Friday, October 19, 2007

Hebrews 11:1

I know that I am Christian, and we are suppose to have struggles and hard times.... but I haven't had a lot of those things. I mean sure I lived in Clovis New Mexico and hated every minute of it...but I only hated it because I am a spoiled little brat. It was outside of my comfort zone and I was unable to do the things I liked and wanted to do at all times. I did survives school, and God guided me through what I needed to choose as a was tough at times, but honestly I sweet talked my way through it. There weren't many tough times because I wouldn't let it escalate to that. I also worked in a very stressful job and was VERY tired and watched 8 and 15 year olds die WAY to early.... but that was slightly removed from me. Honestly my job was to just love the families through that. I always have to be the tough one through everything; I have to be the consoler. You might be asking yourself.... why do you feel like you have to do that? Honestly, I feel like if I don't do it, then no one will. It is a place I loathe, and it is place that I live. I think it stems from my teachings in my life that told me...."men are tough." While I agree somewhat with that, it seems like that is all I keep doing. I feel like I can't be vulnerable. And dear friends, if you know me at all you know, that everything is shrugged off with a laugh.... a quip.... a sarcastic statement. Truthfully, I think that is the defense mechanism, and I hate it. I hate having to be the "funny" one. Not that I don't enjoy it, I love it also.... It’s just when I am not in a humorous mood...then everyone wants me to make them laugh. While, making people laugh gives me a huge thrill.... where does the comedian go when they don't feel like laughing? Where does the soul go when it needs replenishment...well it's God. I am so glad he validates me.

I got some really bad news today. The man who taught me what it means to be a man.... my grandpa, was diagnosed with cancer of the liver. I cried. I wept. I called him, and I couldn't take it. He was so mellow. He is the one who I get my sense of humor from. He was almost defeated. I asked how he was.... he replied, "better than I thought I would be." I told him, that Jesus loves him, and that just because he got the bad news today, God still was in control. I assured him that I would pray for him, and that if anyone could beat would be my Paw-Paw. Oh, how I love him. I prayed today. I told God not take my Paw-Paw away. I know God heard me. I know He cares, but the hurt my heart feels is unbearable. I have told others in my situation to: "pray,” "pray without ceasing” God will come through, don’t' fear. I have told them, God is in control, He wants them healed...pray.... press through. I realize how insensitive that is. I realize how preposterously rude that sounds. It took me going through this to realize that, because I see myself having a hard time taking my advice. I know in my heart God so loves my granddad, and that He truly wants to heal him, and I know God loves me and doesn’t want me hurt. It is just that I am at the crossroad where faith and hope meet. It is that inevitable fork in the road, when you must decide whether you are going to walk out what you say or shrink back and lose faith. It is a very tough place. Every ounce of my body wants to get into my bed pull the sheets over my head and wither away, but I know that doing nothing means reaping nothing. My granddad, I believe all be it not 100%, is a Christian. I believe it, but I don't know; that's what makes this so hard. I know God is good.... all the time.

vaya con Dios


Thursday, October 11, 2007

And this blog takes a new turn...

Okay, so I am thinking that this blog has really been about me for the past year and a half. I am going to start updating it more often, and I am going to start putting stories on here that the national news will not pick up! This first one is nine kinds of wrong. Racism....can you believe today there is is sad and this story is the worst. Please read it, and please speak out when your friend makes an off color remark. Racism is wrong

This happened in West Virginia very recently and Megan Williams was still being treated for this in the hospital.
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She was Tortured and Raped for a whole week, by Six White individuals, Three males and Three Females Between the ages of 20 and 49.
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CNN normally does not reveal sexual assault victims’ names. But Williams, who is hospitalized, and her mother, Carmen Williams, wanted her identity revealed.
Police said Bobby Brewster raped Williams, forced her to lick blood and drink from a toilet, and told his mother to kill Williams if she tried to escape. Authorities previously said Williams was also forced to eat rat and dog feces.
According to criminal complaints filed in the county, Williams was assaulted, stabbed in the left leg, choked with cords and beaten for at least a week. When she was found, big parts of her hair had also been torn off of her scalp. Williams says that Alisha Burton 22 cut her ankle with a knife while saying, “That’s what we do to Niggers around here,” police records show.
“I don’t understand a human being doing another human being the way they did my daughter,” Carmen Williams told The Associated Press on Tuesday from her daughter’s hospital room. “I didn’t know there were people like that out here.”
Deputies received a tip and Saturday visited a home owned by Frankie Brewster in Big Creek , West Virginia . As the deputies spoke with a woman on the front porch, “a female inside the residence limped toward the door with her arms held out, saying ‘Help me,’ ” according to a news release from the sheriff’s department. “It’s something you’d expect to see in a horror movie, not in Logan County ,” Abraham said. “She was subjected to unendurable torture down there.”
The six are charged with kidnapping, sexual assault, malicious wounding and battery. If convicted of kidnapping, a suspect could face a sentence of up to life in prison. The penalty for first-degree sexual assault is 15 to 35 years. Abraham said he is seeking the maximum sentence on the kidnapping charges. In addition to the Brewsters, the suspects are Danny J. Combs, 20, of Harts, West Virginia; and George A. Messer, 27, Karen Burton, 46, and her daughter, Alisha Burton, 23, all of Chapmanville, West Virginia. “They all have previous records and have been arrested numerous times,” Sheriff W.E. Hunter said Tuesday. “They are familiar to law enforcement.”
Frankie Brewster was charged with first-degree murder in 1994, but pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of manslaughter in the death of an 84-year-old woman. She was released in 2000 after serving five years in prison, according to court records cited by the AP. All of the six individuals that are involved in this case are accused of 108 different cases of crimes all combined.
All six were being held in lieu of $100,000 bail, and all requested court-appointed attorneys, the AP reported. Investigators are still looking for two other people suspected of driving Williams to the home, according to the AP.
Carmen Williams had not reported her daughter missing, saying Megan Williams often disappeared for weeks at a time.
Carmen Williams said she is “horrified” by her daughter’s injuries. “She wakes up crying, and the first thing she hollers is ‘Mommy,’ ” she said.