Tuesday, June 17, 2008

These days

I sometimes find it hard to breath.  I find myself getting offended at the things I see in front of me.  I don't like it, not even a little.  It just seems like all the horrendous things happen all at once.  When you are just getting your breath back from the getting punched in the stomach, life hits you right in the gut.....again.  It how the circle goes, if we can lose out hope then we are defeated.  If we don't have anything in front of us to live for, we will implode on ourselves.  That's what I hate about having an enemy. It's as if everywhere you go you have to keep sober.  You must keep what we call your "wits about you."  I hate it.  I have recently seen the aftermath of battles in which the person didn't have this victorious.  I mean they are in heaven and what only see through our veiled eyes, they now know it all.  It's just that I am not sure how to feel about it. OF COURSE it's mournful, but the fact that they were taken way before anyone should,  is what I am walking through. 
Then I have another friend who was dealt some adversity, and absolutely amazed me at what God did through them.  I just don't understand what the difference is.  I am just in that fleshing it out moment.  I asked the "big" questions, which are only really big to me.  It's tough sometimes to ask God the questions you aren't sure you want to answers to. But as always He answers with such a passion, enthusiasm, and love.  It's not for us to know everything now, and probably when we have the capacity to know we won't care.  It's just that we always questions and sometimes God is mum on answers......i think for more of the reason that the answer to one question would lead to more questions, more than He doesn't want us to know.  He just so loves us.