With me, I am sure if you know me, then I am sure you view me as opinionated among other things. The truth is, I think I talk a big game on confrontation. I view myself as passionate and struggling to have my voice heard. I have learned over the years to really have your voice heard and to make a difference you need to speak less. This is what I am working on. Speaking less listening more. It doesn't mean I am not talking, but rather listening to those around me. I want people to say...he doesn't talk a lot but when he does it's truth, wise, smart, just what we needed, etc.
This past week I faced a real test. Something happened, and I was shell shocked to say the least. I was completely blind sided, and I didn't really know what to do. My feelings were hurt and I felt embarrassed. I kind of went into this delusional place of telling myself, "I'm okay." It is not a fun place, sulking is not in my nature so when it happens it challenges my thinking. I just kept slipping into this place that I got really irrational. I started to talk about moving on and away from something I really love. It was that moment, I heard God clear as the day. He challenged me into what I was going to do. I felt like he said..."it's your move." I have never played chess or really even know how, but I know it's all about strategy. So, I called a friend told them what happened and what I should do. They told me, well if you can't shake it then you must confront. My friend also told me I was right to feel the way I did. Feelings are not your barometer but you can not deny them. That's really good advice. It took a lot of guilt off my shoulders. I was honest and told them of my irrationality, and then the advice I clung to hear....it's normal and it's okay, just don't let yourself act on your irrationality. Oh that is really good advice. I sat back, and thought about it and prayed. I thought about what it actually cost me. I thought about why it bothered me. I tried to get to the bottom of it. I felt God showing me it was the surprise of it all that got me down. It was my vulnerability was exploited. It was the people who did this are people I super trust. It noticed some thinking about the whole thing being blown out of proportion, and I heard myself say, "they didn't do this to internationally hurt me." I knew I had reached to place that meant I needed to set a boundary. I felt that if I was my friends I would want to know. I called told them, and it all worked out. Setting boundaries is so important.
I heard God say...you passed...
I am so glad