Monday, December 29, 2008


So, it was the first Christmas without my granddad.  I didn't like it.  I will just say that first.  As I woke up on Christmas morning and got dressed to go to my aunts house, I couldn't help but think about how hard this was going to be.  I got to my aunt's and as we started to prepare breakfast, my aunt started crying which lead to me crying.  As I set there I kept hoping to hear his huge laugh and loud voice while he came in the the garage door.  I kept thinking as we opened gifts there would be a surprise gift that was huge and he was waiting in the other room to bring it in.  I just kept thinking, where is his laughs.  Of course none of that happened.  

Nothing .... Not one thing.....  It was official.  It for the first time had become the sad reality of my life.  He is gone.  There would be no more large laughs, horse bites, jokes, and more importantly no more time to spend with him.  Christmas with my whole family is such a big deal to everyone; well everyone but me.  BUT, this year, Christmas with the whole family meant much more than I think I could ever express.  No, this was not a "fun" Christmas, or even a "good" Christmas, but it was a Christmas.  The celebration of Christ's birth.  Thank God that's what it's all about.    

I am sad.  I am sure he isn't, and that's what gives me comfort.  


Monday, December 22, 2008

Passing on

So in case you haven't heard, my granddad died.  I was saddened by his passing.  Not for any reason other than he just such a great man.  He lived his life to the fullest.  He fulfilled everything we wanted to do.  He traveled the globe, owned his own business, worked in a oil company, lived in San Francisco, loved my grandmother, and raised two daughters.  I loved him, because where my dad lacked, my granddad more than made up for.  He was a man's man, with a sensitive heart.  He never met stranger, and loved everyone who would let him.  He loved his grandchildren and attended everything we ever did.  He was a comedian, and witty.  He loved every joke he was told, and laughed louder than anyone at his own jokes. 

He is a great man, and we will dearly miss him!  

Saturday, November 22, 2008


It's all over the place.  We are seeing change like no other in this country.  I mean the stocks are lower than they have been in years and confidence in the country is probably at an all time low.  I mean whenever you turn on the TV all you hear is how awful everything is.  I resent that.  It's like the media has set up this perfectly set stage for President Obama to fail.  It's a shame.   I didn't vote for him.  I just didn't believe in a lot of the things he said.  His policy on abortion cannot be stomached in me.  

BUT, and that's a huge BUT, he is my president so I will listen to him.  I will honor him, and more importantly I will pray for him.  In the Bible God used a donkey to do His work.  It is my belief that is He can use him, then He can use Barack Obama to to the His work.  NOW, I am not calling President Obama a donkey, even if that is his party's mascot; I am simply saying that he is better than a Donkey, so obviously God can us him.  

be blessed


Saturday, August 02, 2008

Camp Again

Yes, another camp has passed, but this year was unlike any other one I have ever been apart of.  Yes, we were in the same place, and did a lot of the same things, but this year was most definitely different.  It was like God poured out His Spirit before we even got there.  I mean from the moment we drove down into the canyon, I could feel Him.  I could almost smell Him.  It was like there was a fog throughout the camp.  We started to unload the trucks and I just couldn't believe how much He loved us.  We went down the day before, because we had a ton (literally) of things to set up for the kids.  Set up was easy and quick.  It was just crazy for it to work out that way.  The next morning we all got up around seven, as we were eagerly awaiting the arrival of the kids.  I mean we were about the unfold the canvas we had been painting for months.  The excitement in the air only added to the already awesomeness that was God's Presence.  We set up a game for the kids, and all the sudden we could hear the throng of diesel engines as they rounded the edge of the canyon and headed down the hill.  We cheered knowing that  months of prayers, preparation, and planning all culminated to this moment.  Instantly there was a thought that said, it is time.  The buses stopped in front of the various cabins used to house the children for the week.  All of the sudden a chatter erupted out of the bus as the kids screamed, "WE'RE HERE!"  Just like clock were the shuffled off the buses, grabbed their bags, and ran to make sure they got first pick of beds.  Camp had officially started, and all the pons were in place, and of course the presence made it everything a kid could dream of.  After a little debriefing about rules, regulations, and expectations, the kids threw on their swim suits and jumped in the enormous pool.  
Later that evening, the kids filed into what is the "sanctuary" at this camp. It's really what we would call a gym, but with the most amazing lighting it became an awesome venue.  The worship started and the kids were on.  They belted out the tunes and danced like their lives depending on it.  They did not care what their neighbors thought, but only cared about their audience of one.  Day one proved to be one of the most amazing worship experiences.  
Day two, met with morning dew, and a gentle breeze.  It was beautiful, and the sun coming over the canyon wall made for the most dynamic moments.  It's just God's promise coming to wish us good day.  That night in the service, the song "How He Loves Us" ministered to our hearts, and was ironic since the message of Salvation was preached.  Throngs of kids were touched and walked forward ready for a change in their lives.  It was heavy, and The Presence of God was flowing like water.  They crowded the stage; the multitude was so great they even crowded onto the stage.  As they prayed in faith to receive all the Jesus did for them, there was not an adult with a dry eye.  
The next day was even more amazing, there were enormous tests and even greater battles.  Where there was battle, and where there were tests, there was victory.  It's very interesting, because this nights message was all about overcoming fear.  The story of David and Goliath, and others who had courage.  The veil on the memory verse for camp was lifted as those words of Deuteronomy 31:6 became part of each child's life.  Then came the faith part of the evening.  The children were asked to walk forward if they were dealing with a giant.  As the adults lined the front of the stage hundreds of kids marched to the front and dropped their giant off to a leader.  As you could imagine, the kids walked more uprightly as they had the weight of that fear off their shoulders.  
The final day seem to roll by like a movie reel  showing the feature film.  It was again met with a few battles and the kids walked out their fears with even greater tenacity.  That night as everyone piled into the "sanctuary," there was a since that something amazing was about to happen.  You could almost see everyone leaning forward in their seats as the anticipation set in.  The worship was phenomenal, and you could almost smell the incense of praise as it rose to The King.  Even more of His presence blasted each person gathered in the room.  "Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss..." melted our hearts, and absolutely changed who we were.  Then the preaching began.  Tonight God would introduce His "Helper."  Holy Spirit was there, and He was ready to baptize these children and adults in His empowering Presence.  The children raced to the front to receive the "Helper," and to immerse themselves in all that God had for them.  As they receive their gifts, they practiced while filing back to their chairs.  Then more worship.  It was so intense as Abba shown His love down on us.  "Oh how He loves us... We are His portion and He is our prize."  
The next morning the curtains closed, and the buses and the entire caravan drove up the hill of the canyon, looking back to bid the place were God met them goodbye; laughing knowing that now they will meet with Him daily.  


Friday, July 18, 2008

Isn't It Funny...

You know when you get to that place where you feel like you have everything you want. You so proudly boast about you newly found place of peace.  You just think, doesn't get any better.  Your feet barely touch the ground, you are so elated to be in this land of perfection.  You just are so unbelievably happy, and everyone who is around you wants to smack you everytime you tell that same story about blessed you are.  
Then out of the quiet of your heart, you are enveloped with the feeling of things changing, and shifting, and melding into something new.  All the sudden, while still maintaining some sort of decorum, your world is upside down.  You start questioning everything you have held near and dear to the heart.  Your brain is swamped with changing direction.  You feel like you are being pulled in many different directions.  You are in a state of being I like to call, "shake changing."  It's a place where everything is shaking and everything is changing.  I mean everything, mind, strength, desires, hopes, and even your passions, are changing.  It is such an uncomfortable and vulnerable place.  If you are like me, then you look back to those places you were just boasting about and try to convince yourself you did something wrong, and that's why you are forced to be in the place you're in now.  There is an old song by Sara Groves named "Painting Pictures of Egypt."  The chorus goes a little something like this:

"I been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what if lacks, the future feels so hard and I don't want to go back."

The whole song is about this aforementioned "place."  We so long to be back where we were, but we don't really fit there, and we are finding it hard to fit where we are.  Just like the children of Israel; they actually stated that wanted to be slaves again.  When I read that in Exodus, I think how insane are they acting.  They had just watched miracle after miracle, and still they think being slaved is much more fun than living in the wilderness.  Then I examine my life and look at how unhappy and irrational I am when in the middle of the wilderness.  When all the things around me are changing, and I'm moving into a newness, but it's not what I expected, so I decided in my life to just hate it.  I fight against the things which are making you a better person.  All of this for God to change my character, and such.  I know myself well enough to know, when I am in the middle of change I cannot trust my emotions.  I am super sentimental, and that doesn't do well with newness. 
Just when you think you can't take anymore shifting; just when you are at the very end of every ounce of everything you have is exhausted.  In that stress you start to proceed into the place where you were promised, and you fought against the whole way......

Ahhh this place is the greatest place ever.  I love it.  It's so cool, and all my friends think so too.....
And the circle continues.....


Friday, July 11, 2008

I said it

I know, I am horrible.  I can't believe myself that I said it, but it came out of my mouth.  As soon as it tumbled down I knew I was going to be judged.  I was standing talking to someone I totally admire and I know they want what's best for me.  I just can't imagine why I got to that level of dissatisfaction.  I am sure by know your wondering what it is I said....well.  It might suprise you.  I had grown stale in my church and said, "I just feel like I am not being feed here anymore."  

Those 10 words have different meanings to others, but to me, it made me want to vomit that I would say such a thing.  When I have heard this phrase in the past, it had meant, "our feelings are hurt." "We lost our position." "We are not the big fish in the little bowl." or even "We're bored in our lives."
So you can see from my short history this was not a good situation, and I was at the end of my rope.  You can see the frustration, and the immaturity of it all.  As I began to pray into what I thought God was wanting me to do.  I kept hearing Him say, it's time to give, it's time to serve.  I long hard gulp to get that down.  I mean if He only knew what serving looked like when I was doing it last..... (of course He knew, and saw it all)

So, I started teaching 4th Grade sunday school.  Did take it too seriously, but it was fun.  I love kids, they have such a great perspective.  Well, then one of my friends decided I needed to go and help with the 5th and 6th graders.  Then two of my other friends peer pressured me into working on Wednesday night and Sunday mornings.  I loved it.  I loved every ounce of it.  I started to see what I know I was suppose to.  Going to church is only half of our job.  The Other half is to give it all away.  We give out of our overflow, so it not like really giving.  It's giving what what have spilled out and not used.  It's crazy but it's so true.  It's just the way God works.   Don't believe me?  Try it.....


Monday, July 07, 2008


tragic, sad, lament, weeping, anguish, and doubt.
Those have been my friends lately.  I know it doesn't sound fun.  In fact it is quite the opposite.  Life has a way of making it up to you.  I just hate this moment in time.  I say that knowing the newness is coming, but right now is really tough.  I have spent days warding off depression, and trying to balance my feelings.  I have struck out at people, and have withdrawn from many.  It's just that my granddad isn't getting any better, and actually he has worsened.  My mom the consummate nurse, went to visit and called me worried about his health.  "He is just so weak," she exclaimed on the phone; "He doesn't have enough energy to get up to go the bathroom."  I broke up, and sat down and cried, and cried, and cried.  
I have never seen my granddad weak.  I have never seen him defeated.  He is strength, and courage.  He laughed everything off, and now he is weak and not laughing.  It's too much.  I can't see him like that.  I just can't.  I must see him, and I must be with him.  It is too hard, it's too unsafe.  I love him dearly, and trully.  He is just a character.  He is my friend.  He is as stubborn as an ox, but has the heart of a lion.  My mom said he is getting really upset because people are having to help him, and it hit me like  a ton of bricks.  THAT'S IT!  That's what's buggin me! The mand who has been the the picture of strength is weak.  It's a major role reversal which I was not prepared to see.  Oh, it is not fun, cancer sucks, and I hate it.  



Tuesday, June 17, 2008

These days

I sometimes find it hard to breath.  I find myself getting offended at the things I see in front of me.  I don't like it, not even a little.  It just seems like all the horrendous things happen all at once.  When you are just getting your breath back from the getting punched in the stomach, life hits you right in the gut.....again.  It how the circle goes, if we can lose out hope then we are defeated.  If we don't have anything in front of us to live for, we will implode on ourselves.  That's what I hate about having an enemy. It's as if everywhere you go you have to keep sober.  You must keep what we call your "wits about you."  I hate it.  I have recently seen the aftermath of battles in which the person didn't have this victorious.  I mean they are in heaven and what only see through our veiled eyes, they now know it all.  It's just that I am not sure how to feel about it. OF COURSE it's mournful, but the fact that they were taken way before anyone should,  is what I am walking through. 
Then I have another friend who was dealt some adversity, and absolutely amazed me at what God did through them.  I just don't understand what the difference is.  I am just in that fleshing it out moment.  I asked the "big" questions, which are only really big to me.  It's tough sometimes to ask God the questions you aren't sure you want to answers to. But as always He answers with such a passion, enthusiasm, and love.  It's not for us to know everything now, and probably when we have the capacity to know we won't care.  It's just that we always questions and sometimes God is mum on answers......i think for more of the reason that the answer to one question would lead to more questions, more than He doesn't want us to know.  He just so loves us. 


Monday, May 12, 2008

Testing Testing Testing 1, 2, 3.....

So as luck would have it, I have been facing a lot of testing in the past few days....weeks.  I say this, and I am sure it's coming across like it was and is a horrible thing.  Truthfully, I don't like testing.  I have never been a good test taker.  It's not my favorite thing, but it's not tough or scary, usually because you don't know it's a test and your true self answers the questions.  It's a weird process, but but one we need.  We can think we would do the right thing over and over.  
With me, I am sure if you know me, then I am sure you view me as opinionated among other things.  The truth is, I think I talk a big game on confrontation.  I view myself as passionate and struggling to have my voice heard.  I have learned over the years to really have your voice heard and to make a difference you need to speak less.  This is what I am working on.  Speaking less listening more.  It doesn't mean I am not talking, but rather listening to those around me.  I want people to say...he doesn't talk a lot but when he does it's truth, wise, smart, just what we needed, etc.   
This past week I faced a real test.  Something happened, and I was shell shocked to say the least.  I was completely blind sided, and I didn't really know what to do.  My feelings were hurt and I felt embarrassed.  I kind of went into this delusional place of telling myself, "I'm okay."  It is not a fun place, sulking is not in my nature so when it happens it challenges my thinking.  I just kept slipping into this place that I got really irrational.  I started to talk about moving on and away from something I really love.  It was that moment, I heard God clear as the day.  He challenged me into what I was going to do.  I felt like he said..."it's your move."  I have never played chess or really even know how, but I know it's all about strategy.  So, I called a friend told them what happened and what I should do.  They told me, well if you can't shake it then you must confront.  My friend also told me I was right to feel the way I did.  Feelings are not your barometer but you can not deny them.  That's really good advice.  It took a lot of guilt off my shoulders.  I was honest and told them of my irrationality, and then the advice I clung to's normal and it's okay, just don't let yourself act on your irrationality.  Oh that is really good advice. I sat back, and thought about it and prayed.  I thought about what it actually cost me.  I thought about why it bothered me.  I tried to get to the bottom of it.  I felt God showing me it was the surprise of it all that got me down.  It was my vulnerability was exploited.  It was the people who did this are people I super trust.  It noticed some thinking about the whole thing being blown out of proportion, and I heard myself say, "they didn't do this to internationally hurt me."  I knew I had reached to place that meant I needed to set a boundary.  I felt that if I was my friends I would want to know.  I called told them, and it all worked out.  Setting boundaries is so important.  

I heard God passed...

I am so glad


Friday, May 02, 2008

Thus is life

I hate when people say that. It drives me crazy. As if we are some pitiful useless bag of bones without purpose. It's so funny. Ever time I think I have it tough I think of all those who are less fortunate. I think its horrible that we argue over the correct way to help those in need, those people who really can't help themselves are just standing there watching us act like those kids first grade. I hate it. I absolutely think it is silly to argue over "if" and "how" the help. I don't think help needs to be fought over, but rather everyone doing their part. It's the red tape that corrupts the systems. It's not a political issue, but a heart issue. I am stirred EVERY time I talk or see those in need. Now I am not perfect and I can't hep everyone, that's an impossible challenge for me.

I feel super small and inept when it comes to solving the world's multiple problems. I just don't have all the answers. I was listening to a song the other day, a song that has become one I think touches on this feeling. It "I like Giants" by Kimya Dawson....
Here are the lyrics, with emphasis added

I Like Giants

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road, turn out the lights, get out and look up at the sky
And I do this to remind me that I'm really, really tiny
In the grand scheme of things and sometimes this terrifies me

But it's only really scary cause it makes me feel serene
In a way I never thought I'd be because I've never been
So grounded, and so humbled, and so one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

Rock and roll is fun but if you ever hear someone
Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky
Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

When I saw Geneviève I really liked it when she said
What she said about the giant and the lemmings on the cliff
She said 'I like giants
Especially girl giants
Cause all girls feel too big sometimes
Regardless of their size'

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road and run and jump into the ocean in my clothes
I'm smaller than a poppyseed inside a great big bowl
And the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole

So I swim for all salvation and I swim to save my soul
But my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado
So I flip to my back and I float and I sing
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

So I talked to Geneviève and almost cried when she said
That the giant on the cliff wished that she was dead
And the lemmings on the cliff wished that they were dead
So the giant told the lemmings why they ought to live instead

When she thought up all those reasons that they ought to live instead
It made her reconsider all the sad thoughts in her head
So thank you Geneviève, cause you take what is in your head
And you make things that are so beautiful and share them with your friends

We all become important when we realize our goal
Should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole

And yeah, rock and roll is fun, but if you ever hear someone
Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky

Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
And I don't wanna make her cry
Cause I like giants

That's IT! "We all become important when we realize our goal should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole." It takes us all for change. It takes all of us to make the change this world needs. If we could just motivate the vast majority into action....but thus is life.....GRRRR!!!

Just some thoughts


Thursday, April 10, 2008


I think there are just a few times in our lives when we can look back and think, "wow that really determined the direction my life took."  It's even more amazing to see it happen right in front of you.  
I can't believe it, but God is using my mouth...which I love, but never thought would happen.  I recently was able to take a retreat with the 5th and 6th graders whom I work with every week.  Along with a slew of other people, and was blessed every minute of the trip.  The pastor of the 5th and 6th graders approached me and asked if I could be the one who taught the lessons and activate the kids in the things we were to discuss.  I have to say I NEVER saw that coming, and in fact I felt a little overwhelmed with it.  I turned back to say no, I don't think I am interested in that, and just then something rose up inside of me and said: "Sure, I would love to."  I was a little puzzled by my reaction after the inner monologue that just transpired! I actually heard myself say yes.  Then the dread of the impending day hit me like a hail stones hit the ground break into a million little pieces of ice.  The weight of it all was a little bit more than I have ever felt.  BUT I knew, even if I couldn't see right in front of me, God was all over it, and actually I knew He was the one who called this into being. 
I just started to pray and really get a vision for what He wanted me to say.  It is such a nice place to be.... absolutely dependent.  If this doesn't seem like it would, trust me, when you know you can't do it without Him; you will understand.  
Anyway, the retreat was awesome, and some of the kids have gone home and changed their parents views on some things.  The kids have changed their families, and I am amazing at the ripple from a meeting and how awesome God is......humbled absolutely humbled....God is good...indeed


Friday, March 28, 2008


I am blessed, truly blessed.  I have the privilege of working with 5th and 6th graders at my church.  I have worked with them on and off for over seven years.  The kids I started out working with are now seniors in high school and freshmen in college.  I can't believe it.  I stopped for a year or two so I could really work with the college ministry.  
Then I was asked to help again....I very reluctantly said yes.  It is the best decision I have ever made.  In fact, I love that I said YES.  It took me a year to really figure out what the heck I was doing.  I came and served with a sort of religiousness and obligation.  It was a very dry serving for about 6 months.  I got nothing out of it.  I want did my time, punched the clock, got a smiley face on my test, and went home.  Involvement is so important, belonging, and serving is what God wants for us.  I have to say I not only served on wednesday but also Sunday's.  Seriously, it was not easy, and I tried to weasel out of it on numerous occasions but felt compelled to finish.  I was asked to speak, and those that know me know I hate public speaking, but I have been well prepared to get up and speak things.  It's sort of the way God does it in me.  I can plan and plan and stir and got for it, but I cannot ever know what's gonna happen.  Well the first time I got up to speak, I bombed like a missile in Baghdad.  I was so ill prepared.  
I still felt compelled to really go after the things I believe God challenges me in.  It's so funny that while I think I am so smart, but me in front kids, so pure and full of God, I am humbled and dependent.  I guess it is that vulnerability is right smack dab where God likes me, because lately that's where I have made my residence.  While I love it, and I am challenged, the truth is.....5th and 6th graders have taught me way more than I have ever taught them.  Well, the rest of the story unfolds in a leadership class that I teach on a weekly basis; these are the kids that absolutely want more out of their lives, and they are at a place where they want to go further.  I am humbled every week.  I through things out at them, they eat it, and beat it.  They overcome all their adversity, and are so hungry to hear the truth about what God is doing and what He wants from us.  They are like dogs who know they are going to get a treat. I can literally see them slobbering to hear.  It's awesome, but super heavy.  
You know the Kingdom of God is super simple; we are the ones that make it complicated.  We are the ones who make grace conditional.  We are the ones, who think we know better, but don't know really anything.
If you want to know what the Kingdom of God is like, come sit in the leadership class, or come to a Wednesday night service.  You will see it in its complete simplicity.  God is just insanely crazy about us.  He just is.  He is......I promise.



Sunday, March 16, 2008

MY Niece

I was talking with my niece the other day...she is the cutest.  She had been learning in school about the death of Jesus.  I always ask Carter if she sees Jesus and this day she said she saw Him and He had big jewels on His head.  She has never learned Jesus with a crown on.  She told me about His death.  She told me that some "bad men" came and got Him while He was praying, and they took Him and hurt Him and they put Him on the Cross.  She continued, "Then after He died He became a rose"
Oh how sweet that is.  

Friday, March 07, 2008


Wow, what a mess I am. It is so crazy what can happen in the span of a week.....month. I started this journey starting last week. I felt this call, this thing inside of me. A yearning to stand up and do something that is bigger than me. A feeling of needing more than I currently have, a longing to get to a new place. A higher and more intimate place. Whoa...God delivers. He usher us right up to the throne. He has thoroughly messed me up. He has begun a work, that isn't about a program of right and rituals, or even about others. It's all about Him, and what He's doing, and how awesome He is. It's about worshiping, and loving, adoring, moring, yearning, desiring nothing but Him. It's a call to the very thing that's not about us. Worship is the one thing that isn't about us, and out little ministry. It's about something....Someone, who is much better and much more awesome that than any of the trinkets we have collected along the way. It's not about this new thing, or this new spiritual trend, it's not about whether we have the right doctrine, or even the right clothes. It's about worship and prayer....soaking in Him, and telling Him our adoration we have for Him.

This is what my generation is looking for. This is the thing that brings Him to them. We won't transform to our parents way, but we will love Jesus, and will come into Him........

Just some thoughts from a messed up man


Sunday, March 02, 2008

In the confines of God.....

So I finished "The Shack."  All I can say it, you won't be sorry.  I have really been seeing life in a new way.  It's not that it shattered my thinking, but exposed some of the things I held as truth.  They are things I didn't think were wrong but they were the way other had shown me growing up.  Truthfully, I think what happen was, I believed other peoples truth and not God's truth.  It is funny how vulnerable you are when you're just being lazy.  

I also go Misty Edwards new CD "Relentless" and I am going to go on record and need it.  Here are the lyrics to one of her songs.... "Between the Cherubim"  

We will awaken the dawn with a song in the night.
For a new day will come just as sure as the sun will rise.
Though deep darkness prevail, for the night, weeping endures.
Yet Your light will not fail, You won’t rest until our righteousness shines!

You who dwell between the cherubim, to You we cry!
O Shepherd of Israel, restore, and cause Your face to shine!
Don’t remember our former sins! Let Your mercy speedily come!
O Shepherd of Israel, restore, and cause Your face to shine!

Though we’re feasting on the bread of affliction and the water of tears is our wine,
We won’t draw back, we will run to You for we know it’s just a matter of time.
You will answer the cry of Your people and Your ear is attentive to their sighs.
So we lift up our voice to You and we sing in the dawning light!

For the glory of Your name!
For Your glory and Your fame!
Though the earth be removed,
We lift our hands only to You!
For the glory of Your name!
For Your glory and Your fame!
Though the nations rage toward You,
Let our love remain true!

Monday, February 25, 2008

WHOA....and all those sorts of things.....

So, I was talking to a friend the other day, and they  suggested that I read a book called "The Shack."  They told me it was Christian fiction, and I thought to myself...."that sounds real lame."  I do, however, always trust this friends assessment of things, and their taste in what is relevant and helpful.  I somewhat begrudgingly went to Barnes and Noble to get the book, and innocently took it back to my house and decided I had nothing better to I opened it and started reading it.  WHOA!  It is changing my life with every passing chapter.  In fact, I can't believe there is a book that describes God and His relationship with us equally like the Bible.  
I wondered why this book was so awesome, and why it is changing me.  Well, I feel like God showed me some things.  Well this is a story within the story of any of our lives.... Jesus is the great story teller...and what He says resonates in our souls.  I just can't believe how awesome it is.  
I would suggest that you run, don't walk, to Barnes and Noble and get it.  I also suggest that you  clear your schedule when you open it up.  If you are anything like me, you will get lost in it.  Get lost has NEVER been so fun!  

Friday, February 15, 2008


It rang in my ears early this morning.  Another school shooting, 5 dead and the shooter made six.  It breaks the souls and brings tears to the eyes.  Tonight the landscape of 5 families will forever be changed.  I am sure agony is ensuing them as well.  The dinner table will be less one person.  I am sure there will be second guessing, and thought of the last conversations, and the field of shoulda, coulda, woulda's.  I hope they cling to some resemblance of peace.  I can't imagine, and I hope I never can.  

Why?  Why?  Why?  I am sure that's being asked by many, and while that is a relevant question, I think sometimes even if we know the why's we would have just another why.  I feel like knowing wouldn't help us comprehend, but further question the reasons.  I can't imagine the parents of the shooter.  I can't imagine how they feel.  The little boy they raised from birth, turned into this one man killing monster.  I am sure the family is going through the worst grief and thoughts of, what could we have done.  

The power of prayer at this time.  While it seems like everyone needs more than that, the truth is, prayer sustains us in these times.  

I have already started my mourning process.  I have turned on Joni, as I do when things like this happen.  I am totally broken hearted.  I love Joni, she changes the way I feel.  I want to leave you with some lyrics.....

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

Vaya Con Dios!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

sow, sow, sow Misunderstood

I was thinking about the concept in the Bible of reaping and sowing.  Now, for me this is a very simple concept.  I live in rural Texas, where if there is an open field it's plowed and planted with a crop.  But there is a place in the Word that specifically talks about this concept, and its stated very easily and plain, so that everyone can understand God's thoughts on the idea and concept.  
Galatians 6:7-9
"Do not be deceived,  God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."
Interesting that it says don't be fooled.  I guess that's God's way of pointing out this concept has the ability to deceive.  Then it says God can't be mocked.  So I guess that means that if you don't believe or follow the message that is coming next you are making a mockery of God.  Then plain as day....what a man sow he reaps.  VERY PLAIN!  I like that God gave us a the flags to point out this really needs our attention.  He is drawing us in and letting us know how important this philosophy is; and He is drawing attention because maybe it holds an important concept or idea that we need in our foundation.  I am not sure why He flags this for us, I only know He is placing a bet.  He is betting us at the expense of His mockery, that we will reap what we sow.  I don't know if you know this, but God always wins His bets, and He never asks us questions because of His lack of knowledge.  

WE will REAP what WE sow, and I don't think He is just wheat, barley, maize, and bananas.  I think He means in every area in our lives.  I find it extremely sad when I hear, I am a good person, that's how I am getting into heaven.......They are sowing their lives to be good people but in the end....they get hell.  They were deceived.  God has me revisit this concept when He gets jealous of my time spent on things that don't glorify Him, or when there is a disconnect in our relationship!  it's just like Him to bring that gentle reminder in my life.  As I start to value sleep more than I depend on Him to give me energy, He reminds me.....So gentle..."Broc stop sowing in your bed."  "As  a door turns on it's hinges, so does the sluggard on his bed."  When I start to value my friends thoughts, opinions, and judgments above how highly I regards God's, He just speaks to my heart...."Broc, the time you spend entertaining deception, you will deceive yourself."  I love those rebukes!  I know that sounds about like it's impossible to love correction, but I think that comes with the seasoning God brings to us.  

So, I sow
I sow generously.....and I in the end...know according to the Bible I will reap even more than I sowed.  Isn't that what plating is all about.....INVESTMENT!  The farmer doesn't get back seed for seed.  He gets multiple seeds for one seed.  I think that's important.  We have to get our minds around the fact that when we are sowing....and it's not just money.  It's time, patience, understanding, wisdom, love, happiness......etc.  But when we's tiny compared to what we reap.  Now, this is good and bad news.  Good because, getting love back is awesome....and patience, and understanding......BUT....gossip, laziness, and such are not at all fun.  Not even a little bit.  We learn everywhere we go....when we sow the things that aren't out of a heart of goodness, we reap the things that are not good.   There is this belief that travels around Christian circles, that we should give and not expect anything in return.  As if investing in the kingdom of God isn't a good investment.  Now, my heart is not giving to receive, but to know that I am going to be taken care of.  Saying sow into God without wanting a just like a farmer throwing seed and saying....well, if God wills it will yield a crop.  No, that's crazy and silly to think that way!  

Just some thoughts

Vaya Con Dios


Friday, January 11, 2008


I love it, and am making it right now!  I love the way it tastes and how good it is for you!'s from Jesus!