I choose to disagree not abandon.

Recently someone told me I was offended at my church.  I wouldn't normally let that bother me, but it hit a nerve.  I turned and said,  "Just because I disagree doesn't mean that I am offended."  Then I kind of did some examining of my heart.  I learned a lot about myself and why it ticked me off.

A little back story:
I go to a mega church, and while it's really popular to hate on them today, I certainly don't hate my church.  I see the great and the bad of such a behemoth.  Recently, I found myself  disagreeing with something the church is doing.  It's something small but enough for me to think I didn't want to participate. Yes, I see things that make me cringe but I am a church advocate.  I think it's extremely important.  As someone once put it, the local church is the hope of the world.  I agree.

I was talking with someone about it and they totally misunderstood what I was talking about.  They assumed that I was leaving the church.  Well, no.  Just because you disagree with something doesn't give you the right to leave.  That's how I would have known I was offended.  If I have let something so trivial affect me to leave.  Over the years I have not agreed with my church on occasion.  I think it's healthy to not follow blindly everything a church does/says/believes.  This doesn't mean I am in rebellion as someone once put it.  I can simply disagree without being in rebellion.  I still tithe, volunteer, and participate.

I believe that when you have crossed the line is when you let little offenses blow you off course and leave and go to another church, sit in the audience, and compare how much better you and your current church is.  I think when you get to the point where you would leave, you need to examine your heart.  Talk yourself off the ledge and realize it's probably best to talk to someone about this.  Barring, that is, if your church is doing something wrong.... like heresy, which probably happens but not as regular as people claim.

I have seen many people leave a church because.... well there are a lot of reasons.  When you boil it down, it's an offense.  The sad thing, when they get comfortable in their current church they'll just get offended and move to another.

In the end, I kind of like it when I disagree with my church.  At the end of the day, I either learn why I agree with my assessment or I mature.  Either way I win, and in the end the Body at large wins when we invest in our churches.  Abandoning the ship shows our immaturity.

Churches aren't perfect.  To think they are is to fool one's self.

"Republicans Get Out of My Vagina"

Perhaps that title is a little suggestive, but it was a sign I saw in all the recent hubbub in Austin last year.  What happened?  Well it all started with Senate Bill #5 in the Texas Legislature.  The bill banned abortions after 20 weeks of fertilization and it undoubtedly stirred up emotions, tempers, and especially voices.

Both sides of the abortion issue were very vocal about their opinions regarding their stance.  It was interesting to watch democracy in action. I am a person, that if you must label me, then you would say I am pro-life.  I hate that we are either or we're not, but that's how America has become.  We are two sided on issues, and live in the us vs. them mentality.

Why do I think abortion is wrong?  It's simple.  If you do a little research, then you'll see what done to the fetus when it is aborted.  It's pretty gruesome.  But we as humans like to sugar coat things.   We say, "It's done humanely."  This is somehow supposed to make the who operation seem like it's okay.  I use the term operation because if a women has a miscarriage, the same procedure done to an aborted fetus is used in this instance, which is referred to as an operation.  There is a lot of debate, that somehow this has become a religious fight?  I can argue abortion without bringing up religion at all.  If a women chooses to do with her body what she chooses then she ought to have to face the responsibility that she faces.  Just as a man if he get a women pregnant should have to face those consequences.  No one is telling women or men they can't have as much sex as they want to, but that if it result in a baby, they need to take responsibility for the child. Part of this issue is that people believe what they want.  

Then this image floated to the surface:

This picture makes me so sad.  I mean I am glad she has the right to say this, but I think it's just plain sad.  At the end of the day, if you can't decide to have an abortion before you're 5 months pregnant, then maybe you shouldn't have done what it took to get you into that predicament.  That's the problem I have with abortion.  It let's my generation off the hook.  Unfortunately, we can go to a "clinic" (most abortion facilities are not usually of good quality or safety) and you don't have to face the consequences. Religion isn't the only indicator that abortion is wrong.  Talk to ladies who have have them.  They will tell you that there is not a day that goes by that they don't think about what they did.  I have met women who became infertile because they chose abortion when they were too young to know that it could effect their whole lives.  That's what needs to be talked about.  This decision that's make in an instant will have consequences that will haunt.  That's what I think we need to talk about.   

Back to that sign.  I kept thinking about the wording "Republicans get out of my Vagina,"  and I just wanted to tell that lady.  Maybe if you cared about what was in your vagina more than you wouldn't need an abortion.  

Memphis Blues

Recently I participated in one of our mobile pantries. What is a mobile pantry you ask? Well, in short, it's just like it sounds, taking food to a location.  But, it's really a lot more than that. To some, it's vitally needed food for their family.

Memphis, Texas, is a sweet quaint little town that anyone who's ever driven highway 287 between Amarillo and Dallas knows as one of the "slowdown spots" dotting that commute. It's the county seat for Hall County, which has the highest food insecurity rates in our service area. Because the need is so vast, the local partnering agencies don't have the capacity, resources, or ability to meet the need in their communities. That's where we come in! We work with the County Extension Agent, a local church, and local volunteers to deliver food directly to individuals, 12,565 pounds to 215 families. It's no small task and that's why it takes so many groups to put it together. We give them what we call a "family box." It's 35 lbs. or food that will supplement the pantry for a family for up to a week.   

We opened shop about 1:00 pm and a well of emotional stirring began as we started down the line of recipients. Edna, our Agency Relations Coordinator knows these people because she's here every month checking people in, making sure they qualify, and facilitating our mobile pantry. She's a bit of a rock star to the people in the line. I heard one call her the "Food Lady," and another Miss Edna. 

The stories of lives start to flood in. "My aunt is sick, and I have her kids in my house. We just don't have enough money," said a young mother.

 "Miss Edna, my $15 in food stamps will not last the whole month or a week for that matter," said a sweet -- faced senior.

"I work for the school, and it's just not enough since my ailing parents moved in with us," said a mother.

"My wife's in jail, my kids have to have food. I'll make sure they have food first," said a first-time dad.

I realized there was a tear rolling its way down my cheek as I heard the countless stories of hardships, fixed income expenditures, and kids needing food their parents couldn't provide. It was at that moment that I realized the true deeply profound work we do. We enrich lives, and also just provide an ear to listen. I heard a comment about last month's giveaway. A sweet little lady received a jar of Nutella in her box. She was so excited about it because for her it's much too expensive in the store. So you can imagine the excitement she felt when she opened her box.  

Yes, I'll admit it; sometimes I forget the things the Food Bank does. I get caught up in the stresses of event planning, policy work, and exhaustive lists of things I'd like to accomplish, and lose sight of the work I am really doing. It's in those moments that I realize I need to see clients. I need to remember this stress is worth every ounce. It's a refresher course on why I chose this career.

Memphis may have the reason to sing the blues, but we are there to lighten their load.

I've changed my mind

Exactly 6 years ago you would have pegged me as a red state conservative, Bush loving, Republican bot. It would have been easy to tell, based on Facebook rants (who thought we would even coin a term like that), and the sheer ignorance in which I spoke.  I thought the poor were lazy, and food stamps needed to be more shameful for users.  I thought people in poverty were there by their own choices.  I thought big business was the best idea, and that's what will lift people out of poverty. I thought only teenagers worked for minimum wage. I felt I was doing to poor a favor and would judge them out of poverty.  I thought if you needed help it was easy to get.  I thought that "cheating the system" was a way to live like a king. I wanted there to be more hoops for the people who needed help to jump through.  I thought if a person needed help it was a consequence of their own behavior.  I thought that people cheated the system for a living.  I even thought there shouldn't be welfare, but just let them eat cake.

Yes, this is how I lived.  I didn't care about the "fellow man," I certainly didn't care about social injustices. That was until I started looking around.  Because of my job, I was thrust into a seat at the table of the poor. I met person after person and heard story after story.  Their stories cut me to the core.  They gave me chills.  They forced me to see an alternative to my thoughts. They showed me just how hard it is to be in their situations.  They made me feel 2 inches tall.

I was at a chasm.  Do I continue to hold these beliefs, or do I accept people's testimonies?  Do I continue to turn my head, or do I look them straight in the eyes?  It was like God shined a light and I had to either put on sunglasses or see what He was showing me.

I chose to change my mind.  I chose to not judge a person.

What I've learned?  The system is extremely confusing.  It's not set up for emergencies.  If you need help because you lost your job.... stand in line and you'll get help in a month.  I found that people in poverty are some of the most loving and generous people I know.  I found that consequences are the reason people need help, but that it's not usually their's.  I learned that food stamps are not enough, and charity isn't either.  I learned that big business isn't pulling anyone out of poverty, and neither is the economy. I figured out why Jesus hung out with these people.  I learned that single mothers work for minimum wage.  I learned that what I thought was reality was republican rhetoric.  I learned that the poor were pawns of the democrats, and that neither party truly cares.

So are you saying you're a Democrat Broc?  No, I am not saying that at all.  I am saying that politics are less than humans.  Don't be jaded by a political party.  Don't let some guy in Washington tell you what reality is, experience it for yourself.  Look outside the fray, and you will find something that challenges the things you hold.  As Mother Teresa says, "Come and see."

Judgemental

That's what a lot of people are being these days.  I have seen many people malign another group of people because, as if it should be a surprise, they are different.  I have especially seen this in Christians who also happen to be conservative.  It's like they forget what the Bible says when it conflicts with their political agenda.  I mean Jesus was adamant about the widows, orphans, and the poor, but that seems to be lost on them. I mean they would rather line up at the local chicken fast food restaurant to make a statement, than deciding to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and guide the lost... those are thing Christ actually said to do.

I don't want to sound cynical, but I have just seen so much, and I always think: I bet they would think differently if they lived in poverty even for just a week.  I think if they had been raised with the background of those they malign, they might see how the person thinks, acts, feels.  They might see that they make poor choices, because they have no role model who's ever taught them to make good choices.  We are in two consecutive generations without fathers, and I will be honest, we are seeing the effects that come with a nation that mother's it's children, but they doesn't father them.

The poor have made bad decisions, yes,  this is so true.  You have made bad decisions, but you had more resources, which limits the effects.

I recently met a lady at a food giveaway and I asked her some questions about herself.  The book opened and she told me how she had a job, no husband, two kids and her car broke down.  When she took it to the shop they told her it would be $7000 to fix it, which she realizes now was them taking advantage of her.  She was desparate, because her boss was not an understanding man; she could not miss work.  She went to buy a car, and she found a used one that was not super nice, but was a car.  She financed it at the dealership, with a 21% APR.... she could not qualify anywhere else.  Needless to say, the car was repoed and she lost her job.  Remember she's got two kids to think about... She shifted into survival mode.

People purposely set out to take advantage of the poor, with interest rates they have no idea are bad.  They have no one to turn to to see if that's a good thing, and yet we would see this lady using her food stamp card and might think in our minds of how she's "just abusing the system."  All of this is happening in her life, and yet we feel like being judgmental is the way to be.

Grace people.  People of grace, and love.  

The Problem

I have noticed, mostly because it's an election year, a large majority of Christians who are wanting certain morality legislation from the US Government.  I think it's indicative of the Body of Christ who has lost its way while allowing ourselves to become complacent, much like the children of Israel as they came out of slavery in Exodus.  The problem with Christianity today is that Christians are looking to the government to solve problems that the Church has the power to do ourselves. 

If you want morality to return to the nation, you claim is gone, then you be the one who instills it by causing a culture change. If you really want to change the state of this nation then you have to be part of the process, you cannot rely on the government to legislate morality, because you CANNOT legislate MORALITY.  It's a choice that you make as an individual. 

While I am on this subject, I have heard a lot of people talking about social services, and that the government should not be doing this, the church should.  I think that's a great idea, why don't you start that right now.  The truth is, the government stepped in when the church changed its focus and stopped helping feed the poor, and helping the widows and the orphans.  Because the church stopped the government has a moral, ethical obligation to help those in need. If you're a Christian who is mad because your tax dollars are being spent to help those in need, you needn't look any farther than the end of your nose. 

It's our fault that the nation is in the moral decay.  We can blame, the Republicans, or the Democrats  or Washington all together.  You can blame this person or that one, but at the end of the day, it was the Christians who caused it.  We are the ones who should be above reproach, but obviously humans who miss the mark, but instead we shunned people with different ideas, and buried our heads in the sand. 

We should be investing our time and energy into others, so that they might find the hope and promise that we have.  We must stop looking at the government, and especially The Presidents, to solve the problems that WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN to SOLVE on our own. 

So, where do we start? It's starts with you owning your flaws, knowing you're weak, trusting on God to make up the difference, and then go out and change the world around you.  As momentum builds, you will see how the culture of the country changes as well.  

Shock and Awe

There I was minding my own business in line at the checkout when I was thrust into the web of a national debate. No, there were no cameras capturing what was happening, but rather a national debate happening right in front of me. It's the debate that we will continue to hear for many more months. 

The young lady who was checking out was obviously at her wits end. She was balanced between watching precariously each item scanned, while entertaining a cranky toddler who had a runny nose, and was rubbing his ear profusely. I am sure he was sick and being in the seat of the shopping cart was the last place he wanted to be. He was crying in pain, and his mom was trying as hard as she could to keep her sanity. I couldn't help but think of why the young lady was so intensely watching the register. She was in scrubs and appeared to be in some sort of medical program at our local community college. 

All of the sudden, I realized there was an older women and her husband who were obviously irritated by the crying of the toddler. They had been there the whole time, but I started noticing them because of their complete lack of understanding. They were covering their ears, making snide comments, and rolling their eyes. I thought how tough it must be for that mother right at that moment. I could tell she was obviously embarrassed and was trying to be everything in that moment. She just couldn't keep her sick baby from crying, and there was nothing that could change it. 

I noticed she was purchasing a lot of baby food and formula. Her basket looked a lot like mine. She had several things that were just normal items, things that anyone who was purchasing groceries for their family would buy. 

As the cashier rang up the last item and reported the total, the young lady pulled out her EBT card to purchase her items. The lady in front of me turned to her husband and very loudly said, "OH! Well, of course, she is using food stamps." The nastiness continued, "I hope she enjoys that food I bought for her."

The young lady obviously heard, and immediately her embarrassment turned to shame. She stopped making eye contact with the cashier, held her head down, grabbed her groceries and her cart with the toddler inside, and sheepishly scanted away. 

The shock must have been easily read on my face because the lady and her husband could not look at me again. I felt so sorry for the young lady, and I actually felt sorry for the couple in front of me. 

It occurred to me in that very moment, when did we become this demoralizing? When did we feel like it was our right to get angry and demean others? Why have we decided that we know what's best, and put ourselves in the driver's seat of people's lives? 

In my work, I am constantly bombarded with a false reality people have decided to believe. I have heard that the hungry are lazy, entitled, and completely devoid of our help. I have heard people say that food stamps are like feeding the animals -- they just come to expect it. I have heard people in Washington claim there is rampant fraud, and we should cut this program. I have heard all these horrible things. All of this ran through my head, all of it bitter and cold against the scene that played out in front of me. I'm pretty sure that young lady had no idea she was standing in the midst of a national debate. I'm quite sure all she really wanted was to feed her little one and herself. 

That's the problem when we decide what reality is: we miss that individual. Stats are great, but each time you talk about a stat, or cutting a program that will affect a certain percent of people, you lose the individual. You don't see the person who will have to face the consequences, which makes it much easier to do. It's easy to categorize people and make blanket statements; it's much harder to be part of the solution. 

I feel like we should be more understanding and less judgmental. We should remember what my grandmother used to always say, "There but by the grace of God go I."