I know that I am Christian, and we are suppose to have struggles and hard times.... but I haven't had a lot of those things. I mean sure I lived in Clovis New Mexico and hated every minute of it...but I only hated it because I am a spoiled little brat. It was outside of my comfort zone and I was unable to do the things I liked and wanted to do at all times. I did survives school, and God guided me through what I needed to choose as a major...it was tough at times, but honestly I sweet talked my way through it. There weren't many tough times because I wouldn't let it escalate to that. I also worked in a very stressful job and was VERY tired and watched 8 and 15 year olds die WAY to early.... but that was slightly removed from me. Honestly my job was to just love the families through that. I always have to be the tough one through everything; I have to be the consoler. You might be asking yourself.... why do you feel like you have to do that? Honestly, I feel like if I don't do it, then no one will. It is a place I loathe, and it is place that I live. I think it stems from my teachings in my life that told me...."men are tough." While I agree somewhat with that, it seems like that is all I keep doing. I feel like I can't be vulnerable. And dear friends, if you know me at all you know, that everything is shrugged off with a laugh.... a quip.... a sarcastic statement. Truthfully, I think that is the defense mechanism, and I hate it. I hate having to be the "funny" one. Not that I don't enjoy it, I love it also.... It’s just when I am not in a humorous mood...then everyone wants me to make them laugh. While, making people laugh gives me a huge thrill.... where does the comedian go when they don't feel like laughing? Where does the soul go when it needs replenishment...well it's God. I am so glad he validates me.
I got some really bad news today. The man who taught me what it means to be a man.... my grandpa, was diagnosed with cancer of the liver. I cried. I wept. I called him, and I couldn't take it. He was so mellow. He is the one who I get my sense of humor from. He was almost defeated. I asked how he was.... he replied, "better than I thought I would be." I told him, that Jesus loves him, and that just because he got the bad news today, God still was in control. I assured him that I would pray for him, and that if anyone could beat this...it would be my Paw-Paw. Oh, how I love him. I prayed today. I told God not take my Paw-Paw away. I know God heard me. I know He cares, but the hurt my heart feels is unbearable. I have told others in my situation to: "pray,” "pray without ceasing” God will come through, don’t' fear. I have told them, God is in control, He wants them healed...pray.... press through. I realize how insensitive that is. I realize how preposterously rude that sounds. It took me going through this to realize that, because I see myself having a hard time taking my advice. I know in my heart God so loves my granddad, and that He truly wants to heal him, and I know God loves me and doesn’t want me hurt. It is just that I am at the crossroad where faith and hope meet. It is that inevitable fork in the road, when you must decide whether you are going to walk out what you say or shrink back and lose faith. It is a very tough place. Every ounce of my body wants to get into my bed pull the sheets over my head and wither away, but I know that doing nothing means reaping nothing. My granddad, I believe all be it not 100%, is a Christian. I believe it, but I don't know; that's what makes this so hard. I know God is good.... all the time.
vaya con Dios
-b
Friday, October 19, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
And this blog takes a new turn...
Okay, so I am thinking that this blog has really been about me for the past year and a half. I am going to start updating it more often, and I am going to start putting stories on here that the national news will not pick up! This first one is nine kinds of wrong. Racism....can you believe today there is racism....it is sad and this story is the worst. Please read it, and please speak out when your friend makes an off color remark. Racism is wrong
This happened in West Virginia very recently and Megan Williams was still being treated for this in the hospital.
She was Tortured and Raped for a whole week, by Six White individuals, Three males and Three Females Between the ages of 20 and 49.
CNN normally does not reveal sexual assault victims’ names. But Williams, who is hospitalized, and her mother, Carmen Williams, wanted her identity revealed.
Police said Bobby Brewster raped Williams, forced her to lick blood and drink from a toilet, and told his mother to kill Williams if she tried to escape. Authorities previously said Williams was also forced to eat rat and dog feces.
According to criminal complaints filed in the county, Williams was assaulted, stabbed in the left leg, choked with cords and beaten for at least a week. When she was found, big parts of her hair had also been torn off of her scalp. Williams says that Alisha Burton 22 cut her ankle with a knife while saying, “That’s what we do to Niggers around here,” police records show.
“I don’t understand a human being doing another human being the way they did my daughter,” Carmen Williams told The Associated Press on Tuesday from her daughter’s hospital room. “I didn’t know there were people like that out here.”
Deputies received a tip and Saturday visited a home owned by Frankie Brewster in Big Creek , West Virginia . As the deputies spoke with a woman on the front porch, “a female inside the residence limped toward the door with her arms held out, saying ‘Help me,’ ” according to a news release from the sheriff’s department. “It’s something you’d expect to see in a horror movie, not in Logan County ,” Abraham said. “She was subjected to unendurable torture down there.”
The six are charged with kidnapping, sexual assault, malicious wounding and battery. If convicted of kidnapping, a suspect could face a sentence of up to life in prison. The penalty for first-degree sexual assault is 15 to 35 years. Abraham said he is seeking the maximum sentence on the kidnapping charges. In addition to the Brewsters, the suspects are Danny J. Combs, 20, of Harts, West Virginia; and George A. Messer, 27, Karen Burton, 46, and her daughter, Alisha Burton, 23, all of Chapmanville, West Virginia. “They all have previous records and have been arrested numerous times,” Sheriff W.E. Hunter said Tuesday. “They are familiar to law enforcement.”
Frankie Brewster was charged with first-degree murder in 1994, but pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of manslaughter in the death of an 84-year-old woman. She was released in 2000 after serving five years in prison, according to court records cited by the AP. All of the six individuals that are involved in this case are accused of 108 different cases of crimes all combined.
All six were being held in lieu of $100,000 bail, and all requested court-appointed attorneys, the AP reported. Investigators are still looking for two other people suspected of driving Williams to the home, according to the AP.
Carmen Williams had not reported her daughter missing, saying Megan Williams often disappeared for weeks at a time.
Carmen Williams said she is “horrified” by her daughter’s injuries. “She wakes up crying, and the first thing she hollers is ‘Mommy,’ ” she said.
This happened in West Virginia very recently and Megan Williams was still being treated for this in the hospital.
She was Tortured and Raped for a whole week, by Six White individuals, Three males and Three Females Between the ages of 20 and 49.
CNN normally does not reveal sexual assault victims’ names. But Williams, who is hospitalized, and her mother, Carmen Williams, wanted her identity revealed.Police said Bobby Brewster raped Williams, forced her to lick blood and drink from a toilet, and told his mother to kill Williams if she tried to escape. Authorities previously said Williams was also forced to eat rat and dog feces.
According to criminal complaints filed in the county, Williams was assaulted, stabbed in the left leg, choked with cords and beaten for at least a week. When she was found, big parts of her hair had also been torn off of her scalp. Williams says that Alisha Burton 22 cut her ankle with a knife while saying, “That’s what we do to Niggers around here,” police records show.
“I don’t understand a human being doing another human being the way they did my daughter,” Carmen Williams told The Associated Press on Tuesday from her daughter’s hospital room. “I didn’t know there were people like that out here.”
Deputies received a tip and Saturday visited a home owned by Frankie Brewster in Big Creek , West Virginia . As the deputies spoke with a woman on the front porch, “a female inside the residence limped toward the door with her arms held out, saying ‘Help me,’ ” according to a news release from the sheriff’s department. “It’s something you’d expect to see in a horror movie, not in Logan County ,” Abraham said. “She was subjected to unendurable torture down there.”
The six are charged with kidnapping, sexual assault, malicious wounding and battery. If convicted of kidnapping, a suspect could face a sentence of up to life in prison. The penalty for first-degree sexual assault is 15 to 35 years. Abraham said he is seeking the maximum sentence on the kidnapping charges. In addition to the Brewsters, the suspects are Danny J. Combs, 20, of Harts, West Virginia; and George A. Messer, 27, Karen Burton, 46, and her daughter, Alisha Burton, 23, all of Chapmanville, West Virginia. “They all have previous records and have been arrested numerous times,” Sheriff W.E. Hunter said Tuesday. “They are familiar to law enforcement.”
Frankie Brewster was charged with first-degree murder in 1994, but pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of manslaughter in the death of an 84-year-old woman. She was released in 2000 after serving five years in prison, according to court records cited by the AP. All of the six individuals that are involved in this case are accused of 108 different cases of crimes all combined.
All six were being held in lieu of $100,000 bail, and all requested court-appointed attorneys, the AP reported. Investigators are still looking for two other people suspected of driving Williams to the home, according to the AP.
Carmen Williams had not reported her daughter missing, saying Megan Williams often disappeared for weeks at a time.
Carmen Williams said she is “horrified” by her daughter’s injuries. “She wakes up crying, and the first thing she hollers is ‘Mommy,’ ” she said.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Conversation
So, I had this crazy conversation with a friend today. She is hysterically funny, and I absolutely think she is crazy!!! We were at work and she and I were discussing church, she doesn't go to the church I attend, and in fact she completely disagrees with my church.
I sat and listened to her, and she told why she had such distain for my church home. The problem centered on the new church we are building. She said it hurt her heart, and that is didn't show any reverence or humility. Now, you have to understand that my church is pretty insanely large and we are building an even larger one. After listening to what she said, I told her that we a full, out church is in 5 full services and if we didn't expand we would not be able to grow. It was then she had realized that the church I attend was different than the church she attended.
Then I got to thinking; it is so funny, that we as humans think so squarely about things. We only see it from the mile we have walked. I am so guilty of this. I have been spoon fed some things I am not sure I agree with. At the core of my beliefs, and then I just agree with it, and do no research. Oh, that is scary. Then we make assumptions about they way the other person said something; instead of just asking if they meant it the way we took it. So, wrong! So, so, wrong! We just have to meet each other from where we are coming from.
In the end, the girl and I laughed, because when you can have a conversation with someone and you have dissenting opinions, and it is just a conversation to establish where your point of view is coming from. We just chalked it up to differing personalities! I love it! See the other perspective!
I sat and listened to her, and she told why she had such distain for my church home. The problem centered on the new church we are building. She said it hurt her heart, and that is didn't show any reverence or humility. Now, you have to understand that my church is pretty insanely large and we are building an even larger one. After listening to what she said, I told her that we a full, out church is in 5 full services and if we didn't expand we would not be able to grow. It was then she had realized that the church I attend was different than the church she attended.
Then I got to thinking; it is so funny, that we as humans think so squarely about things. We only see it from the mile we have walked. I am so guilty of this. I have been spoon fed some things I am not sure I agree with. At the core of my beliefs, and then I just agree with it, and do no research. Oh, that is scary. Then we make assumptions about they way the other person said something; instead of just asking if they meant it the way we took it. So, wrong! So, so, wrong! We just have to meet each other from where we are coming from.
In the end, the girl and I laughed, because when you can have a conversation with someone and you have dissenting opinions, and it is just a conversation to establish where your point of view is coming from. We just chalked it up to differing personalities! I love it! See the other perspective!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Um...can I have your attention please....is this thing on..?
Well, life as I know it is changing. Whoa, that is always fun. I had two people tell me yesterday that they could see me mature. How wierd...right? I don't really know what to do with that except that I just think it might be conformation. So, I am in the middle of changing careers, if you're counting that is like 3 times. But for the first time, I am going after something I want. I have been recruited out of my last two jobs, and I am not sure I was suppose to do that. I think that is a little of why I find myself working in my current job, and completely unhappy. BUT, God is making a way, now that might sound rather ridiculous, but it is true. It is like the burden was neve rmine to carry. i am so amazed, that when I get to the plac ewher eI want to scream, becaus eI hate my job, God, in His swiftness, changes My desires. I love it. I love it! So, how are you? I feel like I haven't talked to any of you in a while. Hope this message finds you in complete peace. Thanks for listening, you are now free to move about the cabin.....
vaya con Dios
-b
vaya con Dios
-b
Thursday, August 16, 2007
change is in the air....
I love it. The winds of change are blowing. I can't get enough of change. It all comes from my ability to easily become very bored. I think I like it. I guess becuase the truth of it all is, when you get into something and you can easily get into a cicle of things. You always do what you always have and you always get what you always got. It is my belief that Jesus is super creative. I think He changes things all the time. I think his main reason for doing it is to get us to trust Him even more. Now, that doesn't mean that there isn't sacred cows. There are some things we do and continue to do them because that is the right thing to do. I just feel like it is time to change the way we do things. It is very annoying for people to do what we do as if we are robots! We are not....
vaya con Dios
-b
vaya con Dios
-b
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
When you have nothing left
I just got back into town from my churches Kid's Camp. It was 5 days of the most fun I have ever had. Most of the people that read this blog know I work with the 5th and 6th graders at my church. I loved it. This year marked my 6th camp that I have been to with my church. This one year I had more responsibility than I ever had. It was crazy, and the last day I was so exhausted. I can't believe that I did what I did. This camp was such a different experience, because I am so invested in the ministry. I saw some of the kids i teach do thing I never thougth they would. I saw them do things I didn't know they could. I got a little choked up on the last night, after i realized this would be one of the last times I would see the 6th graders. They will move up to the youth in a couple of weeks. It is tough to say goodbye to the kids I have held near and dear to my heart. They are the best, smartest, brightest, funniest, and absolutely unbelievable. I have never been so challenged in my faith by anyone ever. They make me seek out God even further. They have wisdom I wished I had at their age.
It is funny how you think you are tapped out, God gives you the strength to go the next mile. I am so suprised at what God had me be apart of. It is crazy. I sat down last night about 5:30 and fell asleep immediately and woke up at 11 am. I never sleep that long....I was so tired.
I went to Wal-Mart today, and saw one of the kids that was at camp and they came up and screamed their cheer at me! Oh, it was amazing.....God is good. I am pretty much tired....it is time to get to bed!
Vaya con dios
-b
It is funny how you think you are tapped out, God gives you the strength to go the next mile. I am so suprised at what God had me be apart of. It is crazy. I sat down last night about 5:30 and fell asleep immediately and woke up at 11 am. I never sleep that long....I was so tired.
I went to Wal-Mart today, and saw one of the kids that was at camp and they came up and screamed their cheer at me! Oh, it was amazing.....God is good. I am pretty much tired....it is time to get to bed!
Vaya con dios
-b
Monday, July 23, 2007
Why am I compelled
I am just going to put this out there. I love Wife Swap. It is such a good show. Now, the name, if you haven't seen it might throw you for a loop. The truth is, the producers of the show get two families that are polar opposites, and forces them to live together for 2 weeks. They move the mothers to opposite houses. The first week the mothers must follow the rules of their new house. It is interesting to watch them go against the grain of their comfort zones. As you could imagine they do it kicking and screaming. They bite their tongues knowing that that their redemption and pay back is coming. They make it through the week begrudgingly to say the least. The next week, the moms get to make new rules. The family must follow them. The rules, as you would suspect, are the opposite ones. This creates a rift between the family and the new "mom". It sets up nine kinds of angst. The rule changes usually expose some sort of bigotry, unfairness, lack of respect, or oppression.
Tonight episode had an ultra conservative Mennonite family, and a more liberal "punk rock" family. You can see the writing on the wall, I am sure. The mom from the "punk" family fronts the family band. Well, the new mom must sing in the band. Well, let's be honest punk rock and Mennonite don't so much mesh. The mother, after some kicking and screaming and talking about how this went against her religious convictions, got on stage and told the audience that Jesus loved them. It was okay, and she told the "punk" father his son's video games were too violent. The next week she taught this same child about the crucifixion. Now, call me crazy but isn't that the most violent story in history. The show exposes biases on both sides. In the end, the families figure out how crazy they are, and they realize they need to loosen of tighten up the way they parent for treat their spouse.
While they hate each other, at first, they usually have a "sorry I yelled/disrespected" you moment. It is a really good show. I am really impressed with it. You should check it out. Mondays 7pm ABC.
Vaya Con Dios
-broc
Tonight episode had an ultra conservative Mennonite family, and a more liberal "punk rock" family. You can see the writing on the wall, I am sure. The mom from the "punk" family fronts the family band. Well, the new mom must sing in the band. Well, let's be honest punk rock and Mennonite don't so much mesh. The mother, after some kicking and screaming and talking about how this went against her religious convictions, got on stage and told the audience that Jesus loved them. It was okay, and she told the "punk" father his son's video games were too violent. The next week she taught this same child about the crucifixion. Now, call me crazy but isn't that the most violent story in history. The show exposes biases on both sides. In the end, the families figure out how crazy they are, and they realize they need to loosen of tighten up the way they parent for treat their spouse.
While they hate each other, at first, they usually have a "sorry I yelled/disrespected" you moment. It is a really good show. I am really impressed with it. You should check it out. Mondays 7pm ABC.
Vaya Con Dios
-broc
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