Sunday, June 17, 2007

I called my dad...

It is, after all, Farther's Day, so I called my dad right when I got out fo church. answer. I thought to myself, "I wonder where they are, and why they are not at home."
I watched on TV, dad's that loved their children, and I started to think about my childhood. I grew up in a middle class family. I didn't get everything I wanted, but kids shouldn't. My parent's were both from small towns, and were not really church going people. My dad was an alcoholic, and he was intoxicated almost every evening. When I was a child, just thought I had the most fun dad of all. I later realized his thick tongue antics were nothing but a drunken binge. There is definetely a difference between ignorance to the issue and knowledge followed by total embarrassement. Once I realized what was at play, my dad and I's relationship never recovered. I was angry, and I wasn't giving in. I held him at arms length even after he sobered. I refused to let him in. In fact, I am not sure if today, he is still a little hurt by that.

After my parent's divorced, I pretty much disowned my dad. He, in a numb and hearbroken state, couldn't must up the strength, striped by my childish antics, to come and build a relationship with me. I was horrible to him, I just had so much anger built up I couldn't just love him. I know people don't always say this, but I will, I did not love him. I was the victim, he was the peace taker. He took my peace, and I resented it. I wrote him a nasty note aobut how he wasn't my dad......what a a wretched thing to do. What a piece of crap. I can't believe I did that. I can honestly say, my dad, God bless his heart, tried to be the best dad he could, while dealing with alcoholism, meeting the needs of a family, and having the maturity of a 16; as that was the age he was when he started to drink, which you never mature after. So basically he was a teenager raising kids. That is a lot of pressure for one man to bear, especially when you are not a Christian. He didn't know the Lord, but he was about to.

I remember the day he walked down to recieve Christ, I was shocked.
He and I are really good friends today, I can honestly say I love him. He isn't perfect but, he's my dad and when I called him today, he cried because he loves me and misses spending time with me. THAT is a father, that is MY dad!

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